A miracle occurred: they granted my request! In fact, I wanted to read this book so badly that I requested it on NetGalley (despite the lengthy to be read list that I already have with them). Not because of the publisher’s blurb, but more for the potential that I thought the book could have. When I saw this book featured in a Smart Bitches, Trashy Books email newsletter, I instantly wanted to read it. No matter what happens, my life is in good hands. We all think we're the main character in our dramas, but at times maybe we're not and we need to get out of the way and back at our own journeys. I want to be my protector, not my enemy, just like the author. You can't regret not taking opportunities that weren't given. Regarding my old breakups: I don't beat myself up. Imagine if we all collectively focused on gaining self-confidence instead of losing fat cells? <-a truth bomb I was thrilled to read here! Indeed! Take what serves you and leave behind the rest if you have to end it, which is your right. In healthy relationships it's not that there's no conflict or struggle it's more that there's a sense of learning how to recover from conflict and growing closer to each other as you navigate struggles. Are you able to pursue the things that you're interested in? Are you supported in those things?. If people are struggling and in conflict more often than they're feeling comforted, stronger, and better because of the relationship, that would be a signal of an unhealthy relationship. What's good for them is good for you because you're a team. You and your partner are a team! If you look at them as your adversary, you're only attacking yourself. That said, so much of this advice is great for established relationships, too: It advises that the dynamics you establish at the beginning of the relationship will most likely continue throughout the relationship-so true and so misunderstood. This book really focuses on new relationships without commitments like marriage, kids, mortgage. Time heals all wounds if you're doing things that make you healthier. That said, if you have an open wound, someone only needs to flick you for the pain to be excruciating. Sometimes your anxiety is healthy, when it is expressing your wisdom and directing you to healthier things. These are basic truths we must acknowledge before we're able to support a healthy relationship in our lives. Create space between stimulus and response. (How can you expect someone to understand you and anticipate your reactions if you can't do the same for yourself?) It's your job to listen to what your mind is telling you and decide if it's actually a fact or just a thought. You want to make sure it is one full of love, respect, and compassion. The longest relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. I'm fortunate to have found a suitable, supportive, wonderful partner to make a family with, but I'd recommend this book to any of my peers who's still looking or who has baggage built up around dating, relationships, or past breakups. I realize I've been a serial monogamist, and having a safe person has been part of my identity ever since I can remember, since before sex was a concept in my life. I could have used this advice earlier in my life. It’s a transformative book, with insights on every page and an inspiring message of optimism and hope. All to help you walk away from this book feeling less alone in the struggle and better prepared to tackle dating and relationships with more confidence and less worry. Woven in throughout are interviews with clinical psychologists, a psychiatrist, a sexologist, relationship experts, and real-life couples for their points of view and professional guidance. How do you talk to a partner about your mental health? What is the potential impact of SSRIs on your body? What is the difference between having valid concerns and catastrophizing? It’s all here, from meeting online to how to handle a breakup, from recognizing and avoiding unhealthy relationships to the big one-sex. She’s learned from her experiences, and we get to learn from her, discovering new ways to form healthy dating and relationship habits. Allison Raskin knows this challenge firsthand and shares her journey with perfect candor. But pursuing love and relationships when you live with mental illness can be even more overwhelming.
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